2008 - The year that wasn't

So to say this year has been interesting might be the understatement of my life to say the least.

When 2008 started, I was in some deep trouble. I was days away from being laid off. I didn't have anohter job in sight and I had already spent 6 months of 2007 out of work or working for a pittance of a salary.

That's where the roller coaster began and where it's ending up here on December 31, no one on EARTH would have been able to predict.

Soon into year I had found a better job and started passing my certification tests which helped me feel better about all the money that I had laid out to school for my career makeover.

By the time my birthday rolled around I was fast into interviewing for work since gas was now running me $4 a gallon and even in my tiny car I was getting killed on it. Then Brianna hit her "Dad I don't like you" phase. I figure by 2011 she should be over that one. Then on my birthday weekend I went out and lived it up with some friends. Now when I left that afternoon, I thought it would be a pretty typical night of getting drunk and silly and crashing somewhere. Boy was I wrong. The details of it are a bit more personal than I want to put out here, but it sure did change things on a few fronts for me.

When summer rolled around I had changed jobs to something nice and close to home. The budget stayed stretched tight, but there were highlights to the summer like taking Bman to a few ballgames, camping up in the mountains, hanging out with Pam and her fam over July 4th and spending more than a couple of nights out on the balcony with a beer and a cigar and enjoying the quiet.

Of course the end of the year has been nothing but upheaval. In September I found out I'd be getting laid off again, then 2 days later I was offered another position in the company, then was promoted 6 weeks later to a job I got passed over for earlier. That was the smallest of my changes as I learned.

Having Brittany move in with me has been a whirlwind change of monumental proportions. Seriously, WTF do I know about having a teenage girl in the house 24/7? Apparently nothing, but somehow we've got a pretty decent system worked out. Now if I can just get the little shit to do her school work.

So while that relationship strengthed, others have weakened. One of which will never get back to where it was. The other is starting to make a comeback only very recently and I think will be rocky for a bit longer. Other relationships have changed contexts and gotten stronger which is something I am happy for.

Now the question is...what happens for 2009? Honestly I have no earthly idea. I have a feeling that there will continue to be a lot of change in my life. Things are not where I want them to be right now, even though they are a hell of a lot better than they were 365 day ago.

I am going to sit back and see what happens next. Only 52 weeks to go.

A Holiday Summary thus far

Lacking in verbosity (good word eh?), I am going to use Gypsy's favorite: the point form.

• December 23rd: Christmas shopping begun after work. Kids and parents finished. Only grandmother remaining to buy for.
• December 24th: SLOW work day, Christmas shopping completed for all. Holiday party at Rose and Mike's house. First time in a year I've been in a house surrounded by Puerto Ricans. Fuck I miss it sometimes. Realized I have officially become part of the family when, during photo time, the 75 year old family patriarch pinches my ass so I make a funny face during the picture. Stuff myself silly on rice & beans, assorted meats and Sam Adams.
• December 25th: wrap presents. Yeah, I know...lay off eh? I got it done in time. Resurrect my 14 year old daughter out of the subterrainean tomb known as "her bedroom" so she could come to Christmas at Dad's. Surprise Dad with both the long lost granddaughter but also my sister arriving with me. Stuff myself silly with ham and potatoes.
• December 26th: another SLOW work day. Spend a long lunch telling stories over pizzas at Unos with the other guys in my group. The one girl in the group was not invited...on purpose.
• December 27th: did nothing. Oh wait, cleaned the bathroom. Otherwise watched my new season of NYPD Blue on DVD and ordered The Wire complete series set on sale for $89, marked down from $250. Can you say "HOLY DEAL BATMAN?"
• December 28th: yelled at the TV during football. Pats out of the playoffs which sucks ass. Dolphins made it in which sucks even worse.

There you have it...a quick summary. I wonder what New Years Eve will bring?

All Summer Long

Ok, I was bored. And before you ask, I swear I followed the rule and used shuffle. Some of the songs were just really well timed.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Lateralus (Tool)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Big Empty (STP)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Everlong (Foo Fighters)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Long Road to Ruin (Foo Fighters)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Maggie May (Rod Stewart)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Touche (Godsmack)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
So Much To Say (Dave Matthews Band)

8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Still DRE (Dr. Dre)

9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Numb (Linkin Park)

10 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Without You (Hinder)

11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
Rise Above This (Seether)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Bad Girlfriend (Theory of a Deadman)

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?)
The State of Massachusetts (Dropkick Murphys)

14 WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
Gimmie Shelter (Rolling Stones)

15 WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Better Days (Pete Murray)

16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
London Still (The Waifs)

17 What will they play at your funeral?
Nativity In Black (Primus w/Ozzy Osbourne)

18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Aenema (Tool)

19 WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Corduroy (Pearl Jam)

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Prison Sex (Tool)

21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Shake That (Eminem)

22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
I Get It (Chevelle)

23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET
Vicarious (Tool)

24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Let It Die (Foo Fighters)

25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Broken (Seether)

26 WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The Past (Sevendust)

27.DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison)

28 IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Wherever I Stand (Taproot)

29 WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Never Too Late (Three Days Grace)

30 WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
All Summer Long (Kid Rock)

Idle Holiday Thoughts

With all the ice damage we had here lately, it's been getting me thinking about stuff of late.

1998. Who knew that year would have had such a profound impact. First off, that's the last time we had this kind of ice. I remember it the most because in June, we had to go to Northern Vermont to bury my great grandmother and I saw the lasting damage up there. From Newport to Richford I didn't see a tree that had it's top. They were all snapped off. Every single one of them just like I am seeing here now.

That was also the year Brandon was born. The son I never thought I would have. Plus let's face it, the most awesome kid ever. Plus that was the year I transferred at work to Massachusetts. Where I met Jose, hung out with Pam, made some decent money and learned that I had an aptitude for computers. Strange how life happens sometimes.

What's happened in the decade since then? Hmmm...a messy divorce, a close call car accident, total career 180, a couple of bouts with being unemployed, all kinds of great travel, friends gained, friends lost, friends hung on to with a fierceness I never knew I had, friends kicked to the curb with a hatred that lasts to this day. But one thing has hit me more than anything else. Losing my grandfather.

He is who I'm named after. I was the first grandson for him after 3 granddaughters. I don't know if that made a difference, but he and I were close from the word go. As a boy he was always there to watch a Sox game with me, play catch out in the yard or go hit a few golf balls with, especially during those periods where my father would disappear for 4 or 5 months at a time while my parents tried in vain to salvage their off and on marriage.

As I got older, I reconnected with my dad, but the impressions my grandfather made have stayed with me. My grandfather was without a doubt the most patient man I ever met. He was always slow to anger, thoughtful with his words and never talked down to people. I have really tried like hell to keep those things of him with me. I know, especially on here and in front of my friends I am the quick tempered sarcastic motherfucker but it's just the flip side. I work in a job where I answer questions and fix problems all day for people. Some of them are valid, some of them are just lazy or ignorant. But I manage to keep my cool with them even if it is that 4th time in a month I am answering the same question.

When I left Candi, they took me in for as long as I wanted to stay. Gramp never tried to tell me what to do. He listened when I needed to vent and that was it. Which is all I needed, even if I didn't realize it at the time. Those times were ones when I was glad to blow off work on an afternoon to play 9 holes with him, just the two of us, even sneaking him off for a beer at the 19th hole before heading home.

He died a little over 4 years ago. It meant another trip up to the same northern Vermont town I had been to 6 years earlier. I watched the full Army Honor Guard. I watched my tough as nails grandmother cry...the first time I ever saw that. I miss him immensely and lately I have been thinking a lot about him.

If he's looking down on me (and I hope he's not, I hope he has better things to do up there) I bet he'd have mixed feelings. He would be very proud of me on some fronts, he would be equally as disappointed on others and thoroughly confused on one or two particular fronts.

Even knowing that, there isn't much I wouldn't give for some more time with him.

A few items of business

First of all, I got power back. I have never been without power for 6 days straight in my life. It was quite an experience, one I hope to never repeat.

Next, the ice might be thawing a bit with my daughter. Maybe, I'm not holding my breath, but we'll see.

Third, hockey rules. I can not get enough hockey this year. I actually don't mind Saturday nights at home with no plans. Hockey Night In Canada on the NHL Network. Plus it doesn't hurt that the Bruins are kicking ass.

Last, I am feeling the music jones. I'm listening to it again all night instead of watching TV. I am thirsty for new, good tunes again. That being said, I'm finding myself being slightly bothered. Here's why.

How long have we all been hearing about the "new" Guns N Roses album? Years and years. It's been delayed, moved back, stalled over and over again. But I heard Chinese Democracy on Octane on XM. I found my ears perking up. So I downloaded it. It's pretty good. I can't believe it. I wanted to hate it, I really did. I wanted to hate it even more than I wanted to hate Lil Wayne's Tha Carter, but fuck if don't have both CDs now.

So now I'm off to listen to them and start adding stars in iTunes.

6 days

Still no electricity. I do have heat but not hot water.

I hate winter. It's official. Especially after I got 4 inches of snow. On top of the ice.

Last night a power crew was working on the line outside of my house. They fixed the nursing home across the street, then left with me still in the dark.

Homicidal fury is close...very close.

On the flip side, my buddy Ed here at work took a photo that was featured on the Weather Channel web site. Check it out:

Weather.com featured photo

What I'm dealing with

So I have an inch of ice, no power and no heat. I've been crashing at my dad's but I can't do this forever.

In the meantime, my main goal is to stay warm, stay fed and try and make the best of it. Especially since they are estimating that it'll be another 7-10 days before everyone's power is restored.

Putting your best foot forward

Ok now I'm not a big ball buster about spelling and grammar most times. I'll figure you out. However if you are in a customer contact position for one of the biggest computer companies on the planet, you should do better than this on something that will be sent to every customer that sends you email.

"Thank you for contacting Dell, I am currently away from my desk in training and will be till Wednesday12/11. If you need assistance on an issue we have been working on an issue please email Levi_Aspeytia@Dell.com directly oe I will respond as soon as I can. If you need immediate assistance please contact Gold Technical Support at 1-866-876-3355, we also offer support via chat with Gold Chat at www.support.dell.com/gold

Thank you for choosing Dell, and have a great day!"

Umm...what? Who wants to count the grammatical errors?

Enough, just enough

I've had it.

No, really I'm done.

My middle daughter has been...difficult this past year to say the least. She's just not wanting anything to do with me and my family. I did nothing to her. I've said nothing to her to set her off. She's just miserable. Even to the point where she's doing the same to her mother.

That's not even the problem. I can out-stubborn her any day of the week and twice on Sunday. She'll get her just desserts.

What's bugging me is the incessant opining and unsolicited advice I'm getting. All of the "well what are you going to do about it?" and the "you know you have to get this fixed." Do I? Really?

I know it's making me a miserable bastard to some people about it. During this past week I have tweaked out at both my mother and my father about it. Tonight's answers to my father's opinions were "Really? I need to fix it? I'll fix it when you stop acting like I'm some kind of idiot."

The thing is...you can't fix it. You don't have the right answer. You don't know me. You don't know my kid. You don't know anything about our relationship or lack thereof. So please...

Shut the fuck up about it.

PS - as a result of the last few months, I will be greatly curtailing my own tendency to give advice. Mama didn't raise no hypocrite.

Things that are nice to know

Today we had a meeting at work with a TON of people. It was basically to talk about how things are going with the business.

For the last oh, 10 years or so I have found myself working for companies that were perpetually in a state of decline. One place printed checks, the next one was a now defunct computer & electronics retailer and the last one before this was an outsource IT provider that got hammered by the sub-prime lending crisis since they supported a huge investment bank.

So to sit in a meeting and have all the financials in the green, plans for aggressive growth and capital improvements. When I got hired I got exactly what I wanted money-wise without having to fight. We are making tech buys that make my life easier.

But when your boss says in front of 1000 people "In 12 months, we expect to be able to do it cheaper and better than Walmart." I have to wonder if maybe I'm finally in a place where my career will grow.

And when it comes to your career, hope can be a very motivating factor.

What ever happened to having class?

I was reading an article today on the NHL website about Sean Avery, a player for the Dallas Stars. Honestly I wasn't surprised, the guy is a pest and a cheap shot artist so I wasn't surprised. But what he said really got me going.

Avery basically made a joke about an opposing player who was dating his ex-girlfriend, referring to her as "sloppy seconds." He made sure he made the comment during a time when he knew the press would be looking for pre-game commentary.

It was so bad even his own teammates didn't want anything to do with it, well except for the young guys snickering like junior high school boys. The league decided to suspend Avery indefinitely. Probably to keep him from getting his ass kicked by one of the other guys in the game tonight.

I started thinking about it and it occurs to me that there is just no place for having any type of class in society anymore. I flip past any of the pop culture channels like MTV, VH1, E! or any of the others, it's just full of dopey people acting like trash.

Paris Hilton rearranging the letters on a Sonic Drive Thru sign to say "anal sex". Britney Spears...well...being Britney Spears. Turn on the NFL and watch guys pointing and talking smack for making a tackle. Hey dummy, it's your job to make tackles. You don't see me at work jumping up and down, yelling and pointing at a computer because I fixed it do you? Of course not, it's my job and I'm expected to do that. It's not a big deal, if I don't do it I get fired.

I even look at my own daughter who was in the living room with me, sitting with her boyfriend when she looks at him, lifts her leg and farts on him. For crying out loud even my own kid has fallen into it. Nothing like looking over and wondering how much white trash has settled into your own daughter.

Is anything going to change it? I doubt it. I'm sure my grandparents and my own parents have lamented the same things for generation to generation. But man it just seems worse now.

Thanksgiving weekend ponderings

So it's the end of a long weekend and man what a weekend.

For me it was a fairly typical Thanksgiving holiday. My dad loves having Thanksgiving at his house and I am more than happy to let him do it. Especially since I stayed up until 2 am the night before playing poker. So yeah, that turkey hangover totally took me out.

Friday I had to work but it was worth driving past Target and laughing at all the jackholes standing outside in the cold at 7 am to get their cheap shit. Someday I'll have a commentary on our shitty "Gluttons on the Cheap" trend that society is on, but I'm just not feeling it tonight. However I did go out Friday night and saw my friend Rose and her boyfriend who I haven't seen in a while. Unknown to me, I was to meet one of Rose's single friends out that night too. She was very nice and super hot, but I don't know if she and I would mesh too well. In any case I stayed down there until about 2 am before heading home. Must be a theme I'm sensing. Of course I spent Saturday napping to recover.

That made me good to go today. I went down to Will and Alana's for a little football fun. I haven't seen anyone down there in ages which totally sucks. I need to hang out with them more often I've decided. I know it's been at least 6 months or so since I've seen a lot of them so it was good to catch up. I got to reprise my role as the human jungle gym. I love little kids but I am definitely at the point of wanting them only in small doses and having the freedom to send them home with their parents.

Unlike most everyone else, I'm going to skip the big long dramatic "What I'm Thankful For" deal that everyone I know is writing. I will do this in point form and call it "What I've Learned in the Past 12 Months"

• The economy SUCKS. It sucks so bad that people were willing to vote a young black man as president just because he's not a member of the party that got us here. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about it but if the economy was in good shape, it would be President McCain next year.
• Sarah Palin is stupid. But I'd still bang her just because she's the first VP candidate to make me even consider it. (sorry Geraldine Ferraro, I was too young back then)
• 13 year old girls are brats. 13 year old girls with douche bag enabling mothers are INSUFFERABLE.
• Working in IT is long bouts of frustration punctuated by small, meaningful achievements that only other IT nerds will appreciate.
• I'm getting old and need naps after nights out drinking now.
• Blackberries are pretty fucking cool little gadgets.
• When the chips are down, your real friends will show themselves every time. Stoner Jamie was there when I needed help and after hanging out with Jose and the Mass. crowd, they acted as if I had never stayed holed up in NH for 6 months.
• Words without actions are absolutely useless. Saying you "almost did" something is worse than just not doing it because you had a chance and you chose not to.
• Sometimes sex is just sex. Sometimes it's more in a good way. Sometimes it's more in a bad way. But I would still rather ask for forgiveness instead of asking for permission.

NYC or bust

Yesterday Britt and I headed off to New York City on a day trip that I signed up for through work. It was a short day, but it only cost $40 so who the hell could complain?

On the way down there I had my eyes open as I passed through some places I hadn't seen in a while. They were nice to see and some things got me thinking which doesn't help you sleep much on a noisy bus, but the day was still full of promise.

So we got there a little before noon and did all of the touristy schlep that you're supposed to do. I'll let the pics do the talking:

Lunch at the Hard Rock in Times Square



A stroll past Radio City Music Hall



People skating at Rockefeller Center. I would have liked to, but Brittany can't skate to save her life.



The top of the Empire State Building. Yes I wore a Red Sox hat in New York. If you're a true fan, you'll have the balls to take the abuse.



Went to Ground Zero. Not much more than another construction site now.



My favorite part of the trip. Sunset at Battery Park looking out at the Statue of Liberty.



Back to Times Square for a bite before the bus ride home. We got TOTALLY dissed at the ESPNZone. Sat there 30 minutes with no server before I told off the manager and walked out. I won't be spending any more money in there.



Tomfoolery on the bus ride home. Tired and punchy. Slept most of the way and got home around midnight.

So that's that, off to the rat race tomorrow again. I'm going to try and be better about blogging more but it is a holiday week...who knows?

Day trippin

Saturday I will be making a day trip. Getting on a bus and heading straight for enemy territory. Into the belly of the beast some would say. Gotham, Metropolis, whatever you want to call it, I'm headed there.

New York City.

That's right, the city that never sleeps, the Big Apple, the home of my bro Slade. Viva Nueva York.

I'll be heading down there with Britt mostly because she LOVES New York and it's costing us less than $100 combined to go.

So I'm racking my brain. I have about 6 hours to do whatever I want there. What should I do while I'm there?????

The twists and turns

You ever have those times where you feel utterly in conflict? I'm having one of those times.

I currently find myself completely consumed by something. I mean night and day consumed. First thoughts in the morning, last thoughts at night consumed. I never saw that one coming at all, not for one second. But it's just barely outside of my reach. Which is probably a good thing because I know I have some obsessive thing going on which is kind of scary.

The other day an old topic came up as well. It was something I was convinced was a dead and buried topic. Seems like it's not. But I think it is now. A reality check was needed and commenced and everything is right in my world.

Last weekend I got to see Britt's senior pictures. Fuck I am getting old. Hell I still vividly remember taking my own senior pictures. The time is whisking by faster and faster and it makes me wonder if I'm making the best of it. Then I walk by and see Britt in her room working on homework and being generally happy and I think that for the time being, I'm doing alright.

That's it for my introspection. Remind me tomorrow to come up with a shit joke or something instead.

Last minute plans

My weekend started out with me figuring out which day would be the best day to do my laundry. That's how it started anyway.

Saturday night became a long night out bar hopping. There was some drama that is way too long to get in to here. But let's say that for the short part of the story, it involved a stripper, pancakes and an old drunk guy falling off a bar stool.

Sunday is the really noteworthy day. Due to a last minute cancellation, I found myself in possession of a ticket to the Nine Inch Nails concert and a seat in the stretch limo to go down there in.

The night started off ominously when a pair of the younger members of our group decided that 4pm was a perfectly good hour to start doing shots in large quantities. Then the limo didn't show up on time. An hour late. For real.

We got to the show, got to our seats and the opening band started playing. I don't know who they were, but I like to call them "The Nameless Suck Band". You can probably guess what I thought of them.

So Stoner Jamie, his girlfriend and I decide we are going to head up to the bar and get drinks. I figured I wanted to get my drinking jump started so I did something uncharacteristic:

Yeah, that cost me $20. So much for the plan of getting drunk at the show. Turned out I didn't really need to be. Mostly because Dave, one of the aforementioned shot boys, passed out in his seat before the opener was done and got hauled to the first aid room. That's fine, but when he got there he got belligerent with the EMTs and the police got called. The cops were cool, they decided to release him to us with the promise we wouldn't let him drink anymore. As it turned out, he passed out again and slept through the entire show.

In any event, the show was amazing. The lights and visuals were as good as the music and that's saying something considering they didn't use a single piece of pyrotechnics.

Here are a few videos and pics, cell phone variety but they make the point:



The sign the size of the stage



Lights



The lights darkening is where Trent is standing







"Hurt"



The aftermath, my Monster and my Wendys

And now, I must go to sleep...need rest.

Are we really past it?

Ok ok, so I've been lazy. Obama won. Yes, I'm very happy since I called this shit right after the 2004 Democratic National Convention. I have taunted and teased just about every republican I know.

But I wonder...are we really past the race issue?

So we are like the last country in the industrialized world to elect a minority candidate to it's highest office. That's not odd, this country is controlled by old, white men. They don't typically like outsiders in their club.

The real question is have the rank and file US citizens actually gotten past race? I would think "yes", but tonight while I was playing poker with friends, two things were passed around that made me wonder. First was a cell phone picture of Obama standing in front of the Capital and morphing into a monkey. The second was a joke that was text messaged around the table claiming the White House Rose Garden now has to be replaced with a watermelon patch.

Now I don't live in the deep south. I don't hang out with people who are generally carefree with racism or bigotry. But this shit is real, it's local and it's not gone.

So...are we really past it?

Palin as President

A quick link for you. Think of it like a demented gave of "I Spy" Palin-style.

http://www.palinaspresident.us

Total credit to Sandi for hooking me up with this one. I'm still laughing like a buffoon.

Crazy

So this morning when I was listening to Opie and Anthony and they were talking about a John McCain volunteer who was robbed and assaulted because she had a McCain sticker on her car. They were in a small uproar (well, only racist Anthony was really in an uproar) because of course it's a white girl assaulted by a black man. So meet Ashley Todd, 20, of College Station, Texas.

Ms. Todd claimed that when her attacker noticed a McCain sticker on her car, he scraped the letter B into her face as you see in the picture. Of course as you can see the B is...backwards.

Well today Ms. Todd was arrested for filing a false police report. Seems the entire incident never really happened.

As it turns out, Ms. Todd has had some previous issues with mental illness. You don't say? Of course, you'd have to in order to be hanging around on the sinking ship of the McCain campaign.

I'm bored and lazy

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience? Umm yeah. Anyone who hasn't is a big liar. No one brings their A game all the time.

2. Did you ever own a fake ID? Nope, didn't have to. I dated a girl a couple years older than me when I was under 21. She bought all my booze.

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking? I really stay away from it now. I figure if you can get away with a white lie, you can probably risk a white truth.

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism? 7. If the criticism is valid and timely, I don't have a problem with it. But if it's criticizing just to criticize, then I don't take it real well. I won't freak out, but I'll start quietly planning your demise.

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? Hell no. When that shit grows back it's going to itch like nobody's business. I already touch myself down there enough as it is.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?

Hmmm, loaded question perhaps? Well, here's a little white truth. I'd say maybe 20% of women are capable of being friends with benefits. Most women just don't seem to be capable of having emotionless sex for an extended period of time.

On the other side, I'd say that 80% of men are capable of it. I think men on the other hand are very capable of emotionless sex. Part of it is nature, male mammals are supposed spread their DNA to as many females as possible. Therefore we aren't supposed to be getting ourselves all tied down to one female, right?

Promoted and it's about time

So today I got the official/unofficial word. The promotion that I got passed over for 6 weeks ago is now going to be mine after all.

This week they asked me to move from my comfy home at one of the satellite offices over to the corporate offices to back up a guy that was taking a few vacation days until his last day on Friday.

The new job means I will be the tech slave for the execs in the corporate office. It'll mean carrying the Blackberry and answering calls for help after hours or on weekends. But what it also means is a lot of visibility and profile, great networking and they are giving me about a 15% pay increase. Plus I get off of contract work and get full benefits.

But there is one big drawback. The office:

My office is called "The Fishbowl". As you can see there are windows right above my head that face one of the main hallways in the building. All day long people are walking by, looking in the window at me while I try and work which is distracting to say the least.

However, I spotted this dangling from one of the switches today and realized "Hey, this might really be the place for me."

Demand much?

I've decided to do a little bit of self examination today. In my mind I keep going over the same thing:

Am I too demanding?

One of the things I'm famous for telling people when they blame everyone else for things is "Well it can't be that you're right and everyone else is wrong."

So I wonder...is everyone right and I am wrong?

I find myself constantly disappointed by people. The thing is that I don't feel like I'm asking too much.

Be true to me and true to yourself.

Have my back, as I will have yours.

Appreciate that I am who I am and that's who you made friends with. I don't want you to change because I like you just the way you are.

Seems though that it just works out so rarely. People say to me at times "You know, you are so lucky to have a friend like Jamie that you've known since before kindergarten. No one has that." I recognize that, believe me. But is it too much to want more than one person to count on? Besides, there are things that he just doesn't understand so I can't share those with him.

As it stands, I don't really have all the answers. I doubt I ever really will. But you still have to ask the questions, even if just to vocalize it a bit to figure it out.

BBQ Sunday

Yesterday was our semi-annual poker party. We all contribute through the year and then pool the money and throw a big ass party. This year's savings was a little over $350. So what does $350 buy a bunch of guys throwing a party?

8 full racks of ribs
20 pounds of house marinated steak tips
A KILLER 7.5 pound London Broil
1 keg of cheap beer (I had no input on this)
Hot dogs for the kids
Tons of chips and dip

Now what does this lead to? Well, for me it led to a few really shitty card games (because I was buzzed and stuffed full of food and didn't care), a look of consternation when I brought the little man to his mother, more partying, giving in to peer pressure and doing a keg stand and lots of play time with my wee little niece, including letting her snag my sunglasses:

Thankfully I woke up this morning without the massive hangover I was anticipating which was good because somethings might be changing for the better at work and it would be bad to start showing up still drunk from the night before.

Just 100 more days

Well, much to the dismay of some and the gleeful glory of others, we are heading into the last 100 days of the Bush presidency.

Some would say that the first 2820 days of his presidency were filled with highlights, but it's more like the guy that runs up a massive bar tab and then jets out the door leaving the rest of us holding the check.

He's doubled the national debt. So much for the fiscal conservative platform.

He's gotten us into two wars with no hope of finding an end soon.

The economy is facing a downturn of epic proportions.

But you have the Bush lovers out there too. Like Dick Cheney and everyone at Fox News. They'll say "we got rid of the Taliban" and "we brought Saddam Hussein to justice". Great, but where's Osama Bin Laden? As far as I'm concerned, he's been the only real threat of the past 8 years. Name me one Taliban official. Go ahead, I'll wait. Oh, and just what did Saddam Hussein do the the US between 2000 and our invasion again? I must have missed that on the news.

It seems like an Obama victory is close on the horizon and I couldn't be happier. Of course the US still has a long way to go to prove it has overcome this kind of thinking.

Autumn has arrived

From my balcony:

Obama's biggest supporter

Well, I am Obama's biggest supporter after seeing this:

WHAT A COUNTRY!!!!

So far so good

Well it's been 5 days now with Britt living here. It's been pretty quiet so far here and I don't mind it.

To hear her mother tell it, she was a constant problem every day. Here she's been perfectly fine. We haven't fought, haven't had any skirmishes even bordering on fighting.

She is home at curfew every night and in bed by 11 all on her own.

I'm wondering where this monster is that her mother kept describing.

And then pigs started flying

You know some of those universal truths in life? Those ones like death and taxes and pop stars on drugs?

Last night one of those universal truths was broken.

Yesterday at work I get a call from the ex. Britt is acting up again. This time it's "I'm spending the night at my friend's house and there's nothing you can do to stop me". Wrong.

So I go to her work and surprise her. I tell her to call her boyfriend and tell him she won't be seeing him. I wait for her to get out of work and I take her back to her mother's house. After some back and forth, I tell her to pack some things because she's coming with me. She looks me right in the eye and says...

"No, I'm not going with you. You're not my father and you can't make me go."

Ummm...yeah, wrong answer.

Rather than reach out and smack her like I want to do, I decide on mental warfare. I call her mother down to the bedroom. I tell her what Brittany said and her mother says "Well I am your parent and I'm telling you that you're going with him." Brittany again refuses. So now it's time for me to start fucking freaking. But nope, not yet. So I reach out and snatch the cell phone out of her hand that she was texting with. That's when the child dun lost her mind.

She decided to take a swing at me.

I couldn't even believe it. She missed and all, but I couldn't even believe it. I was stunned with disbelief. Then she kept on coming, trying to get her phone back. At this point I felt like I had three options:

1. Reach out and pop her right in the mouth.
2. Take the phone (which actually belongs to her boyfriend) and throw it at the wall as hard as I can and watch it disintegrate into a thousand pieces.
3. Fend her off until she calms down and realizes what a huge mistake she just made.

I opted for number 3 this time. Mostly because as soon as Brittany jumped up at me, Candi ran and called the police. It's bad to have the cops show up and find your kid crying and bleeding on the floor which is what would have happened if I chose number 1.

So long story short. The cop showed up said she didn't want to stay with her mom and she didn't want to go with me either. The cop told Brittany her choices were either go with me and do what she's told, or get taken to the detention center for domestic violence. By this point she realized what she did and said she wasn't sure she wanted to go with me because of what she said to me.

Well she's here now for the next few days until I can figure out what the fuck to do with this whole situation.

Do I really believe that I'm the center of the universe?

Sometimes when left with too much time on my brain, I over think things. Yes yes I know, you're all shocked to hear that but I do.

So I'm up at my father's Saturday, the day after his birthday to give him his present. While I'm up there, he mentions that my sister made no effort to talk my father on his birthday. No card, no phone call, no nothing.

The question that runs through my mind is...is she really that totally self-centered that she can't even bother or did she not do it just because I nagged her to make the effort?

She's still barely speaking to me since I narced out her lil man friend who smacked her around. In fact her mother called Dad accusing me of spreading fake stories and that I didn't know the whole truth about what happened. Right, I'm the liar. Since I have so much to gain from making up that story.

Now I'm torn between calling her out on it or just leaving it alone and letting her complete her journey into being an assholish adult. What to do...what to do...*ponders*

The Big Six Oh

Yesterday was a big deal. Not for me, but for my father. He turned the big 60. I guess I can't deny it any more, my old man is...old.

He's never been one for a big deal on his birthday. I guess at a certain point it just doesn't matter anymore. I don't mind a big deal for my own birthday, but I don't mind it at all.

I talked to him last night around 9pm. As usual my dumbass brother and sister had not bothered to make a phone call even. This time I think he was genuinely bothered by it. I did all I could. I texted them and reminded them. If they fuck up now, it's all on them.

It's funny though, he's not sixty like you think of most people who are sixty. He's got no gray hair. He's not in declining health. Shit, he still drives a patrol car and wrestles with dummies full time, even though he can retire whenever he feels the urge.

So since I have such shitty siblings, I'll go a little more all out this year. I'll stop and get a small cake and such. Try to make it a little bit of a big deal at least.

Quick turn about

I was laying here at 11:30pm pondering blogging. Pondering what I was going to write about and I was thinking "fuck I am bored" Bored with my life in general. I shouldn't be, but sometimes I can be an ungrateful fuck.

Why should I be bored? I just found out today I'm getting a promotion at work. Now it's not the promotion I really wanted, but it's better than what I'm doing now. Plus there's the fact that my current position is being downsized in November. So...take a promotion or get laid off. No brainer, right?

Today I spent some time with the new boss and the guy I'm going to be working with. Everything looks good. I know I can do the work and they said if I put in 3-6 good months there, they'll take care of me down the road. If not, well it's a big world with lots of jobs out there.

But then at 11:39pm, I got a message. A message that sent a twist of nerves and excitement ripping though me. Seems like there's a good chance I'll have a visitor coming from out of town. I'm looking forward to it if it does come about, but it's a long way off and the deep down Cynic Phil knows better than to get too excited about such things. But right now, Cynic Phil can go fuck himself because I'm going to indulge in a little bit of hopefulness.

More later, we'll have to see how my tomorrow turns out.

Parental skills or lack thereof

There are times when I wonder about how some people actually masquerade as parents. Today when I was watching the news, a story caught my eye for the obvious reasons as listed in the headline below:

Police: Woman Drunk, Passed Out With Children In Car

So you know I had to listen to get the scoop, it was worse than I thought.

SALEM, N.H. -- A mother is facing felony drunk driving charges after police said they found her drunk and passed out at the wheel of her vehicle and realized she had been driving with her children.

Laura Lasorsa, 38, was charged with aggravated DWI and endangering the welfare of a child. Police said her SUV was parked outside a Salem school, and her children, ages 5 and 9, let themselves out of the running car, walked to a chain link fence and called out until an adult noticed them.

Linda Gallagher said she was on her way home from an after-work cocktail at Sayde's restaurant next to the school when she heard the children.

"I heard some kids going, 'Please help me. Help me,'" Gallagher said. "And I looked over the fence over there, and there was a little girl and a little boy."

Gallagher said she couldn't believe what the children told her.

"She said, 'My mommy's drunk and passed out in the car,'" Gallagher said.

When police arrived, they found Lasorsa passed out inside the SUV with the engine running, the transmission in drive and her foot on the brake, Capt. Shawn Patten said.

The children said they were on their way to pick up their father from work. They made it about a mile from home before Lasorsa pulled into the school parking lot, Patten said.

Police wouldn't say how high Lasorsa's blood alcohol content was, but Patten said a breathalyzer test at the police station elevated the charge to aggravated DWI.

"Aggravated DWI is an upgraded charge of DWI, where the blood alcohol content is a .16 percent or over," Patten said.

A BAC of .16 is twice the legal limit.

The children were placed in the care of their father, and the Department of Children, Youth and Families was notified.

"Any time where we deal with a situation where the kids are involved and there's problems with an adult or parents, it's a sad situation," Patten said. "Obviously, our hope is that she gets the help she needs and they move on from there."

Did anyone notice that the passerby who heard the kids was...coming from a bar! Fitting for the state that has the second highest per capita beer consumption in the US.

Hypocritical

I hate being a hypocrite, but being nothing more than a common flawed man I find myself falling into this particular adjective.

One of the things I always have told people is to not pull away from me. Tell me the truth, even if it hurts, but don't just pull back and do the disappearing act. If they do that, I don't know if I fucked up or if it's just them having issues.

Hence comes my own duplicity. I have pulled back, far back from a friend of mine. Her behavior has been scattered at best and for someone who was supposed to be a good friend of over a decade, she's been very careless with her words. I am sick of being on the blunt end when the hammer comes swinging so I'm out.

On the other hand I have a friend I can feel pulling back. It's not anyone's fault, I'm pretty certain I didn't do anything wrong this time. It was even discussed over the weekend, but I still sense it and I don't like it.

But I think being the hypocrite is bothering me more.

So what have my last 7 days been like?

To say I've had a tumultuous week would be an understatement of the first magnitude. Because I'm tired and want to just lay it out, you get it in point form as Cherry is fond of saying.

- I got laid off.
- I got rehired.
- I didn't get the promotion I was going for.
- I got a different promotion instead.
- I got a letter with a return address of the county jail.
- It was addressed to my daughter.
- Found out she saw a kid get shot in the face with a pellet gun.
- Had a friend busted for weed.
- Found out the cops missed the hash he had too.
- Went to a party with IT nerds and actually had fun.
- Heard a confession I never thought I'd hear.
- Realized my father will be 60 this week.

So you'll have to excuse my blog laziness.

Lazy memeage

1. Describe the perfect date for YOURSELF... what you would enjoy most.
Wow...this is a tough one. I don't know that I've ever even considered it. I think a kayaking trip down a scenic river, heading out to catch a really good movie or live music and late casual dinner, nothing heavy, just easy finger foodie type stuff.

2. Do you lean more toward being submissive or dominant?
Who are you talking to? Umm...do I submit to anyone?

3. What do you usually wear to bed?
Nothing unless it's really cold, but I have heat included so that rarely happens.

4. Have you ever seen a counselor?
My mom sent me a lot when I was a kid. She thought I was weird because it didn't bother me when my parents were getting divorced. They were miserable together and together, they were making me miserable.

5. Lights on or off?
Depends. If it's love, lights off. If it's lust, bright on full blast.

Sweet dreams are made of these

So in one dream last night, I ate at McDonalds, rear ended a pick up truck, saved a drowning woman, went for a ride on a tube that gets towed behind a boat, crashed on it and ended up surrounded by guys I made fun of in high school, reunited with the one SERIOUS high school girlfriend I had, ate Chinese food and hung out with Stoner Jamie.

Now if only real life were that exciting.

Then Britt wakes me up with a text at 6:55 am and now I can't get back to sleep. Plus EFX is down, nothing good is on Sportscenter and I'm not hungry.

Of course I could watch the Jeff Dunham DVD that was playing when I fell asleep with the laptop next to me last night.

Brady

Well, Brady's out for the season. I guess my Sundays just got a lot less busy.

I don't have much else going on at the moment. We'll see what pops up in the next few weeks. I get the feeling that something interesting will happen, I just don't know what.

Oh.My.God

Wow, they talked about this today on the radio.

Now I really have seen it all.

The longest 3 day camping trip EVER

Over the Labor Day holiday, I took up my bud Stoner Jamie on an offer to head up camping in the White Mountains. I could talk about the nice camper we stayed in. I could talk about days spent on the jetski, riding scooters, eating barbecue, horsing around with the kids or showing off funny pictures like this, this, this and this.

Instead, you can read a list of all the towns I have been through since last Saturday:

So yeah, I'm sick of driving but it was a great trip. Now I just have to nurse my sunburns and poison ivy.

Peterborough <--- starting point
Greenfield
Francestown
New Boston
Mont Vernon
Amherst
Bedford
Manchester
Hooksett
Bow
Concord
Chichester
Pittsfield
Barnstead
Alton
Wolfeboro
Ossipee <-- where we camped
Tamworth
Madison
Albany
Conway
Bartlett
Jackson
Sargent's Purchase
Pinkham's Grant
Green's Grant
Martin's Location
Gorham
Randolph
Jefferson <--- afternoon at Six Gun City
Carroll
Twin Mountain
Bethlehem`
Franconia
Lincoln
Woodstock
Thornton <--- where we almost got nailed speeding
Campton
Plymouth
Holderness
Ashland
New Hampton
Sanborton
Tilton
Northfield
Canterbury
Concord
Bow
Hopkinton
Henniker
Hillsboro
Deering
Antrim
Bennington
Hancock
Peterborough <--- where it all started

Women, as observed by Kelley

About a week ago, I was chatting with Kelley and we had the idea that since both of us were having issues with the opposite sex, we should guest rant on each other's blogs.

So here it is from her side, thank you muchly Kel, you did a great job.

So, what the heck is up with women anyway? Phil would like to know, and quite frankly, so would I. Is it our duty to act as cryptically and contrarily as possible? Take, for example, Wanted Woman. She knows she's wanted, and she knows that she totally wants Phil in return. Yet she seems to only be denying the underlying truth of the situation - and why? In hopes that their feelings will just disappear? Something I've noticed (and maybe it's just me) is that ignoring one's feelings doesn't really make them go away. In fact, it only amplifies them, and keeps them under pressure. One day they might seem to have been forgotten, but they will never disappear. Wanted Woman needs to quit drowning in denial (ah, I always appreciate a nice pun) and realize what a great guy she could have if she stopped being retarded. Even if she doesn't want to take the chance on "ruining" their friendship by becoming more than friends, that doesn't mean she has to be an elusive jerk and quit talking to him altogether. I mean, doesn't that just defeat the purpose? If you're going to possibly hurt the friendship either way, wouldn't you at least like to know if being a couple could work out - even for a while?

Then there's Simpering Sally, trying so hard to pretend that she's NOT totally hot for Phil, that, well, even I noticed and I'm not even there! Is it so wrong to like someone that you have to deny your feelings? Maybe Simpering Sally should read the above paragraph as well, so I don't repeat myself. Sorry, Simpering Sally - Phil doesn't want you, but there's no use in denying that you want him. So just acknowledge your feelings and move on.

As for the woman who once had Phil and lost him... well, would it trouble her to quit being such an insufferable Hagatha? It doesn't really help anything when one acts like an arse for no reason. And what kind of lesson does this teach to the children that Phil and Hagatha share? It certainly can't be anything good, especially where their teenage daughter is concerned. She's already beginning her rebellious teenage years, so adding more fuel to the "I don't have to listen to dad" fire is really not serving anyone well.

Whew! Sheesh, women! Give Phil a friggin break already!

Compliment or Insult?

Ok, I need some feedback.

At the concert last weekend, I'm chatting with this girl and things are fine, etc. Then she leans in and says:

"I don't think I can play with you."

I said "Why not?"

Her answer?

"You play rough. I think you'd hurt me."

So tell me, is this a compliment or an insult?

So my last 72 hours

So my last 72 hours have been pretty much non-stop, well except for today while I rested up.

Friday night I went to the Cruefest down near Cape Cod. Sixx A.M., Papa Roach, Buckcherry and Motley Crue all on one ticket. Yup, you had to know it was going to be a LONG night.

Tailgating started early at Jose's house because my cousin Manny ran late. That lead to beers before we even hit the road:



Once we arrived, I had decided that I would be drinking with the Captain. Partying with the Captain will inspire many poses:







The concert was ok, I've seen better. Everyone in the Crue looked good except for Mick Mars. His fingers worked because he lit up that guitar, but he looks like a dead man walking.

Saturday morning, I woke up and looked around and said "oh yeah, Jose's house, that's where I am" After hanging out there I went home and napped a bit. Then it was up to my bud Stoner Jamie's car show.

It's always a good time and this one was no different. I think I'm getting too old for it though because because I look around and say "how do all these kids afford this shit?" Which makes me sound like my father which I hate. Then I got to get into a couple of arguments when I got home at 11 p.m. which is always a GREAT way to end my day.

Last night I woke up a couple of times with nightmares. I dreamed that a huge guy in bad leather was trying to rob me while I was working at some store in the mall in the town where I grew up. The leather guy tried to grab me, but I got away and ran into the mall hallway where he wouldn't try to get me. Then I asked my brother to help watch out for me when I left for the night, but I got woken up by a text message before it got any further.

So today I've spent the day just hanging out, watching TV and doing a little bit of studying which I hate right now. All in all not bad for a three day weekend, but tomorrow I have to get back to work. Yay me.

Simple question, complex answer

Why are women so difficult? Please feel free to answer in any way you see fit.

A bit of memage

Ok, I've been cross and pissed off the last few days. Sometimes TMI Tuesday has some interesting questions, so I'll toss them up here. Take 'em and run if you are so inclined.

1. What is your favorite song to have sex to? Depends on my purpose. If it's something romantic with someone I love (or think I do), I like to go with Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye for the old school or Take You Down by Chris Brown for the new school. If it's well...just straight up fucking I like Physical and Closer by Nine Inch Nails.

2. What is your vision of hell? Hmm, tough call. I think probably being forced to watch The View surrounded by Britney Spears' awful looking chocha. Ewww.

3. In the film made of your life, who will play you? I think I'd like Matthew McConaughey. The kind of guy that's funny and easy going, but can kick ass if he needs to (see U-571 to catch my meaning). Oh and he gets lots of action. Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon are close seconds.

4. What is the one thing you most urgently need to tell your mom? I really did pay attention to her lessons on having morals that you stick to and a lot of them carried over.

5. What will be carved onto your tombstone? Here lies Phil. A hard worker, a good friend and a better father. Maybe if I get married again you can add husband in there but right now it doesn't count because I was a shitty husband.

Microsoft Fs up the Olympics

I have not been a fan of China nor of it's behavior leading up to and including the Olympics. Here's a quick run down:

- Fake fireworks shown as part of the "live" opening ceremonies.

- The little girl lip syncing because the girl who really sang the song wasn't pretty enough.

- Limiting journalists' internet access

So with that in mind, I find it only fitting that the crown jewel of the Olympics, the Opening Ceremony, gets defamed by an American juggernaut that not even the Chinese can control.

Is it King Kong? Godzilla? Richard Nixon??

Nope, it's Microsoft.

Read the story here.

A Blue Screen of Death for all the world to see at the pinnacle of the Opening Ceremony.

Ha, screw you Communist Dirt Bags.

Preoccupations

I have been in the midst of drama extraordinaire lately that has been just playing havoc with my mind and my nerves of late.

I have two friends in the midst of the big D. One in the midst of the battle, one considering getting it started.

I am still trying to keep my ex and my daughter from coming to blows in a winner takes all cage match of words and temper.

At work my boss was told that if he doesn't get a few of the KPI's up within 30 days, he's fired. Normally I wouldn't care, but I like this boss and you know they'll replace him with a shitty call center micro-manager.

Some friendships being tested and pushed to their breaking point...maybe. That's when my phone rang. My sister on the line Friday night.

She got the shit kicked out of her by some guy she's been dating. For the second time in a week. I feel myself morally conflicted. The guy is hiding out in Boston, supposedly in some rehab facility. My first reaction is to mount up and wait for him to stick his head up and kick it in.

My father, ever the cop, is up my ass to sit tight while he tries to work out the legal process. As much respect as I have for the law, since he doesn't have a real record, he's looking at a 3 figure fine, probation and anger management. Doesn't seem like enough...does it?

It wouldn't if it was your kid sister, your daughter, your mother...would it?

More dreams

So last night's doozy was I dreamed I had broken up with my girlfriend (who didn't have a name nor a face in my dream) and that she had hidden a nuclear bomb somewhere in my apartment and I couldn't decide whether to look for the bomb or just leave town.

I seriously need some mental help I think.

Today is Stoner Jamie's birthday. What do you get your best friend if his only real interests are going fast and getting stoned?

The lies we all tell

As I was sitting here tossing around blog topics, I realized my sister never called back like she told me she was going to. Then I thought about it. We've all been told plenty of times "I'll call you back" and then you don't get that call back.

I find that so rude. It's like telling you "You're not important enough for me to give you my full attention so I'm going to give it to someone else and then when I'm done, I'll get back to you Mr. Unimportant."

I thought I'd use the Google Magic and see what other lies everyone tells and I had to chuckle at how true they were. Take a look:

"I'd be happy to." No you wouldn't. If you were, you wouldn't feel the need to say this in order to convince the douchebag who is sticking you with some shit task you don't really want to do anyway.

"No really, everything's fine" If it was, you wouldn't be seeping with the "things are NOT fine" clues. Men, if you hear a woman saying this, tread lightly because right now any communication with her is like walking in a mine field with big clown shoes on.

"I swear I'm not drunk" Usually you're slurring when you say this and you're counting on a wall/table/bar to hold you up. Make sure you're hidden the car keys and your own phone number cuz you're getting drunk dialed later.

Ladies - here are two of equal silliness: "Of course I'll still respect you"/"I promise I'll pull out" No we won't, how can you fall for either of these? Mostly because they are precluded by you saying "I swear I'm not drunk".

Men - here are two of your own: "I have a boyfriend"/"My friends will love you." Umm..right. Really she means "I have a boyfriend in mind and you are far from it" and "My friends will love you if I tell them to, but only to a point. Mostly we'll just talk about your sexual ineptitude and your utter lack of romance next time I get pissed off at you."

And the last doozy, in honor of Bill Clinton and John Edwards..."I did not have sex with that woman." Bill - you got blown in the Oval Office. How did you think you WOULDN'T get caught? But you Johnny boy...cheating on your wife while she's fighting cancer? I've done low things like dump a girl on AIM and slept with someone just because I could...but that's the worst Mr. Edwards. I guess we know who WON'T be Vice President huh?

If it's not my daughter, it's my sister

My sister was relaying a story to me about how she had a party at her house and there was a big fight between her ex boyfriend and the current boyfriend. Apparently she told them both to leave but the current boyfriend was drunk and belligerent and wouldn't leave. Apparently it got physical and she ended up getting smacked by this joker. Here was the conversation that followed:

H: So I was going to call you and have you come down but...
P: But what?
H: I didn't want you flying into some "dude just hit my sister and I'm going to kill him" kind of rage.
P: Ok, well if not that one, which rage should I fly into?
H: What do you mean?
P: Well maybe I could try the "Oh darn the weather's bad and I left the car window down" kind of rage? Or maybe the "Aw shucks, I just stubbed my toe" kind of rage?
H: Ok ok, I get it.

So now I have a target for any rage and anger I feel and I may have to make a special trip down to Massachusetts to work it out...on this kid's face.

Could it be?

Tonight at poker I got pulled aside by Stoner Jamie's fiancee and was asked a question that could lead to years of trouble.

"If we decided to elope to Vegas, would you come with us?"

Sweet Baby Jesus in the manger. Of course I said yes, I HAVE to see what fireworks will happen with that.

One of two things will happen. One, it'll be a huge time of just going out, getting stupid and having an amazing time in Sin City. Or it could end with the dissolution of their relationship and the potential for some sort of physical violence.

Now I need to find a suitable travel mate...*ponders the short list*

Segregation requested?

I was cruising through CNN and saw this article and I had to stop and read the headline twice before I clicked on it:

Why many Americans prefer their Sundays segregated

I grew up in a very religious household and truth be told, I do believe in many of the teachings I learned in church as a child and as a teenager. Now the church we went to was all white. That's hardly news considering the state I live in is even now 97% Caucasian. But I never have seen a church that is fully integrated.

The problem I see stems more from the relics of organized religion than the actual teachings of whatever church you happen to attend. If you are so inclined, pick up a bible and thumb your way to the Book of John, Chapter 13, verse 34. It reads (and I have heard preached many a time) "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

You would think that a passage so clearly stated from Jesus who EVERYONE in those churches claims to worship and obey would funnel on down to the issue of race. But somewhere along the line, the message is lost.

It's not only lost on a religious level, but on a social level too. Reports of racially inspired violence like the infamous Jena Six have become so commonplace in the world around us.

But isn't church supposed to be the safe haven from all of that? The one place where you can find acceptance and faith and charity for ALL people, not just the ones with the same color skin as ours?

I wonder what Dr. Martin Luther King, a pastor himself, would say if he looked and saw that the fight he fought for racial integration was wasted away in irrelevance in the one place where it should have weathered any storm...

The patience is wearing thin

Today at work I get a text message from my ex. I have to go over to the house after work and broker yet another argument between the two of them.

The problem is that the two of them are exactly alike, and they hate that about each other. They can't lose a fight, each of them has to keep attacking and attacking and attacking without any thought of the damage they cause.

Tonight they had another huge blow out with every awful curse flying back and forth between then. They're both in the wrong, but the kid does have to show her mother an ounce of respect.

So I go up there after work and I can feel myself falling into the old routine. I go in there quiet, calculating and monotone. Then they both start pushing my buttons. Then I started yelling too. That's when it all starts to go downhill.

What usually happens is that Britt puts up a strong front for a while, but you can always find the button that needs pushing in order to get her to listen. I feel bad, I had to push her really hard. She snapped in a big way. She actually screamed back at me.

Funny though, after the anger, she finally lets go of the hate and anger and you can reason with her while she's crying. She's a good kid, she really is. She just loses perspective on what matters from time to time. She's going to fuck up her whole future for what, getting back at her mother?

After the screamfest and my 1 on 1 talk with Britt, I had to get her in the same room with her mother in a normal conversation. They both are always on the defensive with each other. Neither of them will listen to the other one, even when they have valid points. It's sad really because if this keeps up, they'll have no relationship whatsoever in a year or so.

The real shame is that I almost don't care anymore. I'm so tired of it. Not tired like I need an early bed time tired. Like soul weary, full of dread and eagerly waiting the day that it no longer matters tired. I don't want to be referee to anyone anymore but I just can't seem to escape it.

Even in my dreams I'm a creep

Last night in the bowels of my slumber, my brain went into overdrive as it's known to do even in the subconscious.

So I was in a dream and in my dream I woke up and went outside and saw my friend Pam standing out there with her back to me. Suddenly she turned around and that's when I saw it.

The baby belly. She was pregnant.

Guess what I said to her in my dream? Not like "Congrats" or "When are you due?" Instead I said:

"Wow, that's not mine is it?"

Go ahead, take your shots.

So many channels!

Last night after my weekly poker game with Stoner Jamie and the boys, I got my last little treat for myself for a good little while.

XM satellite radio

Now this wasn't all the expense it's cracked up to be. First off my radio was XM ready so I didn't have to buy a radio. Second, Stoner Jamie sells XM at his store so I got all the parts for cost. And last but far from least, he has free store accounts that XM gives him for demo radios. So now my car is a "demo".

So why get XM? Well there's 170 channels, comedy channels and my favorite radio show Opie and Anthony in a completely uncensored program.

Today on my way work I tested it out and there are so many channels, I don't know which ones to create presets for. If gas wasn't $4 a gallon, I'd be driving around now just to listen to it.

A question to ponder

So riddle me this...do you believe in the phrase "forgive and forget"?

To me you either fall into one of these three groups:

Yes, forgive and forget

No, never forgive and NEVER EVER forget

Yes forgive, but no don't forget

Which one do you fall into and why?

Shop shop shopping

Ok, for those of you that really don't know me, I hate shopping. I'm not talking about groceries, I mean general, Walmart type stuff.

Yesterday I decided I really had to do some shopping. On the list?

- Good razors, I bought cheap ones last week which mangled my scalp
- Ipod dock for work, less than $75
- Get cell phone fixed (camera is broken)
- Chair for the computer desk (Sir Fat Ass broke the old one)
- Food for lunch next week

Seems pretty basic? So why did it take me going to 7 different stores? The frickin' Ipod dock. Every place had these ridiculous $200 Ipod docks. It's going to work with me, that's all. The ones that were cheaper all plugged in through the headphone jack which I didn't want. I hit Walmart, Target, Tweeter, Circuit City and Best Buy until I found one. At Best Buy I found a dock that seemed perfect. I couldn't really tell how it plugged in so I asked the guy "Does this plug in through the headphone jack or through the Ipod cable?" He told me "through the cable" so I bought it. I took it home and opened it.

Plugs in through the headphone jack. Mother fucker.

I was so aggravated I didn't even notice that I forgot the computer chair. However I do have a positive experience. You know how they say when you have a bad experience you tell like a zillion people but when you have a good one you only tell a few? Well I'm going to share both experiences with the same people Take THAT survey nerd.

I went into the Verizon Wireless store yesterday to see about getting my phone fixed. Now in the past, the people at Verizon have been...well...twats. So I had a plan all set. I figured they'd have to send my phone out and make me wait for the factory. I had my old phone with me for them to turn on while it was gone and everything. I walked in expecting a retardedly long wait since it was Saturday afternoon. But I got right in, got to see someone and he said "Ok, we'll mail you a new phone within the next 7 days. Just put your battery and back on it and send the broken one back in the postage paid envelope that we'll send you."

That's it? No fight? No 3-6 week wait? No paperwork? No hassle???? Well color me shocked, and suddenly feeling more loyal to Verizon Wireless than I have in the past. Now we'll just see if the phone shows up as promised.

I got nothing today

So I fill in the empty space with meme action.

1) What do you add to your coffee? I don't drink coffee. Ever.
2) What are you reading now? Planning & Maintaining a Windows Server 2003 Server Environment.
3) Do you own a gun? Yes, 2
4) Are you registered to vote? yes
5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? no
6) What do you think of hot dogs? good for the grill
7) Favorite Christmas Song? Silent Night
8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Vitamin Water Formula 50
9) Can you do push ups? yes, but they aren't fun
10) What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Jennifer
11) What’s your favorite piece of jewellery? my grandfather's Mason's ring
12) Favorite hobby? boating, whether it's a jetski, canoe or kayak
13) Do you work with people who idolize you? I barely know anyone at work
14) Do you have ADD? nope
15) What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? I am too sarcastic at times
16) What’s your Middle name? Michael
17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I hate shopping, I need more money, it's a nice day to be out and about
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Doritos, Nutrigrain bars and beer
19) Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. Vitamin Water, Sam Adams, Diet Mt. Dew
20) Current worry right now? money as always
21) What side do you dress to? I have no idea
22) Favorite place to be? On top of a big mountain
23) How did you bring in the New Year? I have no idea...can't remember
24) Where would you like to go? Australia
25) Name three people who will complete this. No, you name three people. *S*
26) Whose answers do you want to read the most? no clue
27) What color shirt are you wearing? I'm not wearing one
28) Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? no, too slick
29) Can you whistle? yes
30) Favorite colors(s)? black and green
31) Could you be a pirate? no, I don't have enough hair
32) What songs do you sing in the shower? no, but I sing in the car
33) Favorite girls name? no clue
34) Favorite boy’s name? don't have one
35) What’s in your pocket right now? nothing
36) Last thing that made you laugh? Stacey's answers to these questions
37) Best bed sheets as a child? my red flannel sheets
38) Worst injury you’ve ever had? Thrashed my knee skateboarding. 3 operations to fix it.
39) Do you love where you live? Yeah, even though I would leave if I could.
40) How many TVs do you have in your house? 2
41) Who is your loudest friend? Pam
42) How many dogs do you have? none
43) Does anyone have a crush on you? Yes
44) What are the most fun things you ever did? sex, sex, and white water rafting.
45) What are your favorite books? The Stand, Executive Orders
46) What is your favorite candy? anything Willy Wonka
47) Favorite Team? RED SOX!!!!
48) What songs do you want played at your funeral? I don't know, something fun though. None of this morbid shit.
49) What were you doing at 12 AM? watching TV
50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? it's too early and I have the ac up too high

26 random questions

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
--it's not even a moment's hesitation...the ex. She'd be gone and I've have my kids. It's like two treats in one.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
--Miley Cyrus. I hate that fucking Hannah Montana and her gay rhyming name.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
--Ummm, George Bush I guess. He's such a dope.

4. What is your favorite cheese?
--Mozzarella. Whether it's on pizza, in sticks or in tomato and mozzarella salad...delish.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
--the Smokehouse Panini at Panera. Chicken, bacon cheese and some kinda sauce toasted. Awesomeness

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
--Scarlett Johansson. Can I take a few pictures for the ol' scrapbook too??

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
--Alicia Keyes. Hot, sensual and she could sing a capella to me afterwords.

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Wow, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
--I'm going to pocket it and save it for number 9

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
--Sydney Australia. Then I'm spending my $100 to find a way to get around while I'mthere.

10. An angel appears out of heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the beverage of your choice. It is?
--Sam Adams Light. I was going to say regular Sam Adams, but with the light I won't get fat as quick.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anywhere in the PAST. Where do you go?
--March 24, 1993. I keep driving home instead of stopping at someone's house.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
--No lying to me. First offense will get you voted off the island.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called?
--It's called "Shut Up Hollywood Mouthpiece". Every week, a different overly opinionated Hollywood Douchebag (think Tom Selleck, Susan Sarandon, Ellen Degeneres) gets put on stage, bound and gagged and the audience comes up on stage with a roll of quarters in a tube sock and gets to take three swings each at the victim. Special episodes include Britney Spears locked in a small glass room with nothing but Marlboros and Jack Daniels or Lindsay Lohan having to fuck an actually attractive woman on stage.

15. What is your favorite curse word?
--come on...it has to be fuck.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, what do you do?
--start pulling on the bandages and hope.

17. Your house is on fire! What do you do ?
--grab the portable hard drive, a pair of pants and out the door

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that hour?
--spend every single minute with my kids.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What super-power is it?
--Flight, no doubt. No more pesky TSA checkpoints.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
--One night when I finally closed the deal with the girl I had wanted for sooooooo long.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
--getting cheated on

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check this out… you can move to anywhere else in the world. Where do you go?
--Barcelona. Beautiful city, on the water and close to other cool shit in Europe.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age, if you were banned from every bar in the world except one, which one would it be?
--Jake Ivory's in Boston. I love the dueling pianos upstairs and there's a regualar club downstairs.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question... If you did, then we’ll just expound on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to fly! Whose house are you going to fly to first?
--Scarlett Johansson's house, duh.

25. The constant absorption of magical moon beams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
--Lou Gehrig. Even though he was a Yankee, he did it with class.

26. You can bring back one person who's dead…who would you bring back?
--my grandfather. He had patience and love that sadly I will never be able to match.

My mouth gets out of control sometimes

So sometimes I have to admit, I drink too much. When I do, I am known to say somethings that I really shouldn't say. But sometimes it's pretty funny, especially when I go back and look at it.

Tonight I figure I'll share a few prime examples.

Phil: Mike, why are you ignoring the hot girl and getting all close and cuddly with the ugly girl?
Mike: The ugly girl is my sister (oops, I didn't know that)

Girl in bed: (grumbles about something I can't remember really)
Phil: You know, you complain an awful lot for someone who just got off in less than 60 seconds

Girl at party: Oh my god. Jess just called me a slut!
Phil: well...are you?
Girl: am I what?
Phil: A slut.
Girl: Excuse me???????
Phil: I'm not judging you. If you're a slut, you should be proud and just admit it. Be glad men find you attractive.
Girl: (stunned silence)

Phil: It's only blind dumb luck you're still married (that one cost me a friendship for a very long period of time)

Phil: You know it helps when you're the boss to be smarter than the people working under you. (then I turned around and saw the boss' friend standing behind me)

A friend's wife: Phil, hang up the phone, you can't call C at 2:30 in the morning!!!
Phil: (in a very drunken slur) Sure I can. It's ok because she has HIV so it's ok.

Those are a few I can think of right now. If I come up with more...nice...memories I'll be sure to share.

Good products vs. Bad products

Tonight as I was at home enjoying the season finale of The Deadliest Catch, I noticed some truly great products being advertised. As well as some truly awful products.

Good product:

Hood Red Sox Ice Cream:



I was actually enjoying some of this when it came on. You know how serious baseball is here when the largest dairy producer in the area has not one, but a whole LINE of Red Sox ice cream. Does your home town love their team that much? I think not.

Bad product:

Michelob Ultra Fruit flavors:



Where do I even begin with this idea?? Beer with specialty fruit flavors? Come on! Take a look at this list of swishy flavors...

- Tuscan Orange Grapefruit
- Pomegranate Raspberry
- Lime Cactus

Ok, so what is a Tuscan orange? Also in the lime cactus, does it taste like a cactus? What does a cactus taste like anyway? Plus is any MAN going to be caught dead drinking these?

Let's face it, beer is a man drink. It just is. It's sharp, it's bitter, it gives you awful breath. For the most part, it's a man drink. There isn't a straight man alive that is going to show up at a barbecue with a case of this sissy concoction that isn't going to get ragged on for YEARS for this one.

My predictions...record sales for Red Sox ice cream if they win another World Series...and Fruity Swishy Mich Ultra won't last until the World Series.

Now THIS is why crack is whack

From a favorite of mine, The Smoking Gun:

Cops: Woman Battered Beau With Toilet Seat
Floridian, 18, attacked after finding boyfriend smoking crack in loo

JULY 14--Meet Kimberlee Ann Cole and Joel Goldsmith. The Florida woman, 18, allegedly assaulted her boyfriend with a toilet seat after finding him smoking crack in a bathroom of their home Friday afternoon. Cole told cops she battered Goldsmith, 24, after he "refused to give her the drugs," according to an arrest affidavit prepared by Fort Pierce police. Goldsmith "refused to stop smoking the drugs and Ms. Cole hit [him] with the toilet seat," the affidavit notes.

As the couple--parents to an eight-month-old boy--scuffled in the bathroom, Goldsmith dropped a cocaine rock in the shower and Cole tried to wash it down the drain. Responding to a 911 call placed by a female roommate of the pair, police found blood on the bathroom's walls, floor, and toilet. They also recovered a broken toilet seat, though the affidavit does not indicate whether it was broken over Goldsmith's head or was in disrepair prior to the July 11 incident. In the shower, investigators found a "small amount of a substance" which field tested positive for cocaine.

Cole and Goldsmith, pictured in the mug shots below, were charged, respectively, with domestic battery and cocaine possession. Goldsmith, who would not tell cops what happened in the bathroom, suffered two lacerations on his forehead (and smaller cuts) during the confrontation.

I'm a flirt?

So tonight I'm at poker at my bro Stoner Jamie's. It's the regular Wednesday night thing and all the guys are together while the lady folk are upstairs doing whatever you women do when you're alone in groups.

Tonight after the second game (which I lost fairly early in), I decided to venture in the land of womanhood. It's no big deal, I know everyone in there and Jamie's fiancee loves me. So I walk in and A, who is one of the fiancee's friends is just like "oh heeeeeeey". Me being me, I play it up, like way over the top back just to be funny.

One of the other girls (who is stoned out of her head at this point) just blurts out "OMG, flirt much?" I got kind of mad at first, but then was told by all the other girls that yes, I flirt...a lot.

The thing is, I'm not even trying to. Most of the time, I'm just trying to be funny. It's not like I'm thinking "Oh, I'm going to make her laugh and she'll be into me." Most of the time it's like "how can I make everyone laugh?" and I just do shit.

The really, really funny part is. All this flirting and I still have an empty bed every night. I guess I'm not a very good flirt. LOL

I may have mentioned this before

I hate that I sound like I'm bitching about the same things over and over again. The thing of it is that they keep coming back into the picture and getting me all fired up all on their own.

Tonight I was talking to Britt about their return home tomorrow night. Apparently my daughter doesn't think I know when she's coming home. I, of course, know what day, time, airline and flight number. I'm crazy like that.

Anyways, she mentions that she talked to her mother on the phone. Her mother was looking for something in the house and Brittany told her that she didn't really need what she was asking about. After a moment of arguing, her mother tells Britt that her cat died. Now Britt loves that cat as much as life itself. She started crying and then her mother starts cracking up and tells her that she was only kidding. Seriously...that's funny? Make your kid cry, then laugh about it?

So I'm going to do a bit of word association. Words that I think of whenever I think about my ex:

• asshole
  
• bitch
• cretin
• douchebag
• fucktard
• hatemonger
• idiot
• jackass
• loser
• moron
• nitwit
• piece of shit
• retard
• shithead
• slut
  
• ugly
• vicious
• whore
• zero

Thus ends Phil's word association of the day. I'm now going to try and get to sleep tonight without staying up all night being pissed off.

Kidney stones or jet skis?

That was my choice, deal with kidney stones or ride a jet ski. Now to be fair, I do not have any kidney stones myself. It was my father calling me this afternoon to tell me he was at the hospital.

Luckily things turned out alright with the old man. Turns out he's passed the stone, albeit after some pain and some curse words in Spanish to spare the rest of the hospital patients and he's now at home resting comfortably, aided by the joy of percocet.

So I spent the afternoon riding around on the jetski with a friend of mine. We found a nice stretch of the Nashua River on the north side of the city and ran up and down it for a few hours. It would have been more, but the stupid thing ran out of gas right as we were running out of daylight.

Although I seem to now have developed something itchy on the inside of my thigh which I can't decide is from the seat of the jetski with it's brand new vinyl or from something murky in the water. I did see a spot of water bubbling from the shore into the river and I wonder if there wasn't something...untoward being pumped into the river.

That's about it for my day. Time to finish up a movie and get my happy ass off...to bed that is you sickos.

Tired already

So last night I had to do something that reminded me of a lesson I learned much earlier in life:

Jack Daniels is not my friend.

I was hanging out with Stoner Jamie and Jen and we hung out and were having beers and shots. Well, I was having beers and shots, they were just having shots. Now somehow I had one or two shots more than Jen, who is like 130 lbs. I'm 225, I should be able to handle one or two more shots right? Wrong. But it does tend to spark interesting conversation. Like how both Jen and I don't like the taste you get from sucking on a pierced nipple. We also discussed how all men have at least briefly pondered the thought of having sex with each of their female friends and we talked about a guy we knew who died of an overdose this week. After a while, it got really late and someone remembered that we needed sleep.

2am there I am stumbling down to the spare room thinking "God I hope I don't have to puke, I don't even know how to get outside or up to the bathroom from here." Waking up this morning was pretty tough too, but I had to shape up quickly as I was tasked with babysitter their critters for the day.

Thankfully they were pretty well behaved and I didn't have to chase the 16 month old all around the house too much. What I did forget was that I promised to go to the car show that Jamie was putting on tonight AND out jetskiing with them tomorrow. So I think they're going to get mighty sick of me.

To freak or not to freak

Ok, so I am having a major dilemma in life. I'm hanging on by a thread dear readers, I truly am. It could snap at any time and I'm trying to prevent it. Here's why.

My oldest daughter was here last night and asked me to have a look at the anti virus program on her computer. Sure enough it needed many updates downloaded and installed. She went into her room to watch TV and talk on the phone while I fixed the computer.

Being the father that I am, I take the opportunity to make sure there's nothing on my darling daughter's computer that there shouldn't be. The internet history was ok, but then I rummaged through the My Pictures folder. Bad move.

I could handle the pictures I found of her in her bathing suit. Anyone at the beach can see that. What I wasn't prepared for were pictures of her making out with two of her girlfriends. Not like silly little pecks being funny. I mean full on, hands in hair make outs.

I managed to keep from freaking out about it last night and embarrassing her in front of her best friend who was here and now she's in Florida with my mom. But it's really eating me up inside.

Obviously I don't condone her taking pictures of herself doing stuff like that. Honestly I don't even really care that much that she kissed her friends, if that's all it was. But WHY THE PICTURES? Nothing good is ever going to come from taking pictures of that.

I'm torn between freaking out about it (which I really want to do) and treading lightly. Right now, her mother is being a cunt to her. Yes, I said it. C U N T to my baby. She put her out of the house and it looks like she'll likely be living with me. She's feeling short on allies so I don't want to totally isolate her.

On the flip side, there's no way I can possibly condone the behavior. Want to smooch your friends? Fine, whatever. But don't be making a permanent record of it for someone to hack and post on the Internerd. That shit will pop up at the worst possible time in her life, I guarantee it.

So weigh in if you are one of my 5 remaining readers. Freak out or breathe out....slowly?

So much to say, so much to stay

It's not just a Dave Matthews Song, if it ever was to say the least. Sometimes when given an large amount of time to just be with yourself, you tend to dig around in the attic of your own psyche.

As I was talking to my friend Sandi about, lots of time on your hand allows for you to rummage around inside your own head, if you feel the urge. Normally I don't feel the urge, however I find myself sometimes powerless to stop myself. This weekend I haven't really fought it too much.

Mostly I think I've just been kind of handling the things I've needed to handle at the moment and not really paid attention to any of the deeper issues that have been going on. At the end of the day, not much necessarily changed, but I was able to get my arms around a few things and get some ends tied off that had been fraying a bit in my mind.

For now I'm going to go play Medal of Honor with my son and teach him the joy of killing Nazis.