Just one of the talks

"You saved me..."

It wasn't a Hollywood script. There was no cycle of drama. There was no good start, a tragedy hits rock bottom and a triumphant recovery.

It was just a conversation. Talking about the game. Living the life, being a player, buy-for-a-nickel-sell-for-a-dime politics of running the streets.

She just came out with it, no prompting, no prodding. I wasn't even asking any questions of her, just listening for what seemed like the millionth hour that day.

"...I think that if I wasn't here I would be back down there using...a lot."

The thing is, I didn't need her to say it. I didn't even want her to say it. It physically hurt to hear it. Not because I needed the accolades because I don't. The reason is it just reinforced how close I was, we all were, to losing her. Even if she lived, she'd have been lost to the streets, lost to the needle, lost to all of us.

Now after the first wave of drama has passed, lots of changes have happened in life. I have a full time roommate. One with no car and no job who gets lonely sitting in my house all day. Friends have been there, friends have been quiet and some friends have up and bolted all together under the guise of "giving space" or some other platitude.

Family has stepped up from near, far and even from the most unlikely of places. Family has failed from near, far and the most unlikely of places. Relationships that were strong are weakened, relationships that were decaying have rotted completely away and relationships that were silent to non-existent have become integral parts of both of our lives.

What does the next stage hold? I'm not sure. Sobriety? Relapse? Redemption? Utter failure? I don't know and honestly I'm scared of the worst. After all this time, effort, talking and listening it would destroy me.

But until then...it's back to the day to day.