Idle Holiday Thoughts

With all the ice damage we had here lately, it's been getting me thinking about stuff of late.

1998. Who knew that year would have had such a profound impact. First off, that's the last time we had this kind of ice. I remember it the most because in June, we had to go to Northern Vermont to bury my great grandmother and I saw the lasting damage up there. From Newport to Richford I didn't see a tree that had it's top. They were all snapped off. Every single one of them just like I am seeing here now.

That was also the year Brandon was born. The son I never thought I would have. Plus let's face it, the most awesome kid ever. Plus that was the year I transferred at work to Massachusetts. Where I met Jose, hung out with Pam, made some decent money and learned that I had an aptitude for computers. Strange how life happens sometimes.

What's happened in the decade since then? Hmmm...a messy divorce, a close call car accident, total career 180, a couple of bouts with being unemployed, all kinds of great travel, friends gained, friends lost, friends hung on to with a fierceness I never knew I had, friends kicked to the curb with a hatred that lasts to this day. But one thing has hit me more than anything else. Losing my grandfather.

He is who I'm named after. I was the first grandson for him after 3 granddaughters. I don't know if that made a difference, but he and I were close from the word go. As a boy he was always there to watch a Sox game with me, play catch out in the yard or go hit a few golf balls with, especially during those periods where my father would disappear for 4 or 5 months at a time while my parents tried in vain to salvage their off and on marriage.

As I got older, I reconnected with my dad, but the impressions my grandfather made have stayed with me. My grandfather was without a doubt the most patient man I ever met. He was always slow to anger, thoughtful with his words and never talked down to people. I have really tried like hell to keep those things of him with me. I know, especially on here and in front of my friends I am the quick tempered sarcastic motherfucker but it's just the flip side. I work in a job where I answer questions and fix problems all day for people. Some of them are valid, some of them are just lazy or ignorant. But I manage to keep my cool with them even if it is that 4th time in a month I am answering the same question.

When I left Candi, they took me in for as long as I wanted to stay. Gramp never tried to tell me what to do. He listened when I needed to vent and that was it. Which is all I needed, even if I didn't realize it at the time. Those times were ones when I was glad to blow off work on an afternoon to play 9 holes with him, just the two of us, even sneaking him off for a beer at the 19th hole before heading home.

He died a little over 4 years ago. It meant another trip up to the same northern Vermont town I had been to 6 years earlier. I watched the full Army Honor Guard. I watched my tough as nails grandmother cry...the first time I ever saw that. I miss him immensely and lately I have been thinking a lot about him.

If he's looking down on me (and I hope he's not, I hope he has better things to do up there) I bet he'd have mixed feelings. He would be very proud of me on some fronts, he would be equally as disappointed on others and thoroughly confused on one or two particular fronts.

Even knowing that, there isn't much I wouldn't give for some more time with him.