As I was sitting here tossing around blog topics, I realized my sister never called back like she told me she was going to. Then I thought about it. We've all been told plenty of times "I'll call you back" and then you don't get that call back.
I find that so rude. It's like telling you "You're not important enough for me to give you my full attention so I'm going to give it to someone else and then when I'm done, I'll get back to you Mr. Unimportant."
I thought I'd use the Google Magic and see what other lies everyone tells and I had to chuckle at how true they were. Take a look:
"I'd be happy to." No you wouldn't. If you were, you wouldn't feel the need to say this in order to convince the douchebag who is sticking you with some shit task you don't really want to do anyway.
"No really, everything's fine" If it was, you wouldn't be seeping with the "things are NOT fine" clues. Men, if you hear a woman saying this, tread lightly because right now any communication with her is like walking in a mine field with big clown shoes on.
"I swear I'm not drunk" Usually you're slurring when you say this and you're counting on a wall/table/bar to hold you up. Make sure you're hidden the car keys and your own phone number cuz you're getting drunk dialed later.
Ladies - here are two of equal silliness: "Of course I'll still respect you"/"I promise I'll pull out" No we won't, how can you fall for either of these? Mostly because they are precluded by you saying "I swear I'm not drunk".
Men - here are two of your own: "I have a boyfriend"/"My friends will love you." Umm..right. Really she means "I have a boyfriend in mind and you are far from it" and "My friends will love you if I tell them to, but only to a point. Mostly we'll just talk about your sexual ineptitude and your utter lack of romance next time I get pissed off at you."
And the last doozy, in honor of Bill Clinton and John Edwards..."I did not have sex with that woman." Bill - you got blown in the Oval Office. How did you think you WOULDN'T get caught? But you Johnny boy...cheating on your wife while she's fighting cancer? I've done low things like dump a girl on AIM and slept with someone just because I could...but that's the worst Mr. Edwards. I guess we know who WON'T be Vice President huh?
Friday, August 8, 2008
The lies we all tell
Posted by Unknown at 11:38 PM
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7 Comments:
I've actually uttered the "I'll still respect you/things won't get weird line" and you know what? things with that friend are still cool :D
I've used it with mixed results. Once was weird, once turned out ok. I'm still trying to sort out the weird one.
Walking through a mine field wearing cloawn shoes! I Love that. Isn't that how most men spend their adult lives? You wonder why they're always drunk, or trying to be
I have used the "I swear i am not drunk" one so now and then when i was young.
I think I've used the "I'll call you back" thing a couple times in my life. I could count the times on my left hand if I could remember them.
This is probably because I make so few phonecalls.
As for the rest, they are unfamiliar to me personally.
...please where can I buy a unicorn?
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