And then pigs started flying

You know some of those universal truths in life? Those ones like death and taxes and pop stars on drugs?

Last night one of those universal truths was broken.

Yesterday at work I get a call from the ex. Britt is acting up again. This time it's "I'm spending the night at my friend's house and there's nothing you can do to stop me". Wrong.

So I go to her work and surprise her. I tell her to call her boyfriend and tell him she won't be seeing him. I wait for her to get out of work and I take her back to her mother's house. After some back and forth, I tell her to pack some things because she's coming with me. She looks me right in the eye and says...

"No, I'm not going with you. You're not my father and you can't make me go."

Ummm...yeah, wrong answer.

Rather than reach out and smack her like I want to do, I decide on mental warfare. I call her mother down to the bedroom. I tell her what Brittany said and her mother says "Well I am your parent and I'm telling you that you're going with him." Brittany again refuses. So now it's time for me to start fucking freaking. But nope, not yet. So I reach out and snatch the cell phone out of her hand that she was texting with. That's when the child dun lost her mind.

She decided to take a swing at me.

I couldn't even believe it. She missed and all, but I couldn't even believe it. I was stunned with disbelief. Then she kept on coming, trying to get her phone back. At this point I felt like I had three options:

1. Reach out and pop her right in the mouth.
2. Take the phone (which actually belongs to her boyfriend) and throw it at the wall as hard as I can and watch it disintegrate into a thousand pieces.
3. Fend her off until she calms down and realizes what a huge mistake she just made.

I opted for number 3 this time. Mostly because as soon as Brittany jumped up at me, Candi ran and called the police. It's bad to have the cops show up and find your kid crying and bleeding on the floor which is what would have happened if I chose number 1.

So long story short. The cop showed up said she didn't want to stay with her mom and she didn't want to go with me either. The cop told Brittany her choices were either go with me and do what she's told, or get taken to the detention center for domestic violence. By this point she realized what she did and said she wasn't sure she wanted to go with me because of what she said to me.

Well she's here now for the next few days until I can figure out what the fuck to do with this whole situation.